Aren’t you sick of it? The sometimes quiet, sometimes loud but always chastising voice in your head? The endless list of self-improvements that you should be making?
First, the little things: I should eat less sugar. I should eat more veggies. I should get more fiber. I should drink less wine. I should drink more water. I should get a juicer. I should exercise more. I should drop 20 pounds. I should start meditating.
Then, the medium things: I should call my mother. I should write that thank-you note. I should get rid of all the clothes I hate. I should buy those plane tickets. I should clean out my junk drawer. I should do some volunteering.
And finally, the bigger things: I should save more money. I should be more patient. I should be more proactive. I should read more. I should be a better listener. I should take better care of myself.
“ENOUGH,” I say! We spend most of our precious lives focusing on what we need to do vs. enjoying what we have, celebrating our accomplishments, being at peace with where we are. What if taking care of yourself meant burning your to-do list? Doing what feels fun, easy, enjoyable? Reframing “should” to “could” or “might”? Looking at things as opportunities and possibilities vs. mandates?
Here’s an example of how a more positive, self-affirming perspective might work:
The “Should” Voice
I absolutely have to lose weight. I’ve been battling with this my whole life. I feel like a loser because I can’t get a handle on this. So this time I’m really gonna do it. But how? I should completely cut out sugar and fat and alcohol. I shouldn’t have any dessert, ever. Definitely shouldn’t bake anymore. I should go to the gym every day. Join that Boot Camp. I should try Weight Watchers or Noom. Maybe I should go to Canyon Ranch for a week! Or buy pants in the size I aspire to and look at them every day. But one thing I know for sure: I should NOT be like I am!
The “Could” Voice
Hmmm. This weight-loss journey is long and frustrating. But I know I’m not alone. This is a super common struggle. I wonder if I’m thinking about this all wrong. Maybe, instead of being so extreme and restrictive, I could make some small, sustainable changes that didn’t feel like such a sacrifice. Maybe I don’t have to make myself miserable. I could do just one thing to start – a little experiment. I could try to cut out sugar for a week or two to see how I feel. I could read The Blood Sugar Solution by Dr. Mark Hyman for inspiration. Learn a little more about how sugar works, and how to manage its addictiveness. I could find a few sweet replacements that are low-glycemic to tide me over. I could not even weigh myself, just know that I’m headed in the right direction. I could be a little nicer to myself and enjoy the ride. It’ll be an interesting story to tell – what I did, how I felt, what I learned.
This shift in perspective will change your life. Getting curious, believing in possibilities, taking baby steps, catching yourself every single time you’re saying something negative to yourself and flipping it to a slightly more positive and loving tone. Focusing more on your feelings and energy than on your actions.
Know that it will take time and effort to do this. We’re talking about rewiring your brain and your habitual, often unconscious way of thinking. We live in a society that profits from us believing that we “have to” buy this, try that, be this, do that. But you do not profit from that perspective. It’s draining.
You have the power to change, and it starts with your mentality and emotions. It’s time to eliminate “should” and “shouldn’t” from your vocabulary. They are not serving you, they are holding you back.
